Review: 'Bayonetta' is a blast; loading times a pain

First, the bad: The PS3 version is plagued by slowdowns during gameplay and loading time (want to open the options menu? “Loading …”). As Ryan Clements stated over on IGN, “When the player pauses the game during combat or a cutscene, there’s noticeable loading before the pause menu is displayed.” There’s also noticeable lag and slowdowns at some points during the gameplay, too.

Now, the good: Bayonetta is an absolute blast to play, and the action is fast (minus the occasional slowdowns), furious and humorous enough to keep you coming back.

The characters are well-acted by the voice-actors, though the cutscenes are a bit annoying at times. They are presented in almost “filmstrip” style, with narration over a static image that slides across the screen. The storyline of the game itself is all over the place, though once you’ve finished the game, things will make bit more sense. The basic premise is that Bayonetta is the last of the Umbran Witches, one of two clans that helped to keep the balance between the forces of Paradiso and Inferno (aka: heaven and hell). Unfortunately, she has lost most of her memory and is now trying to find the keys to her past while stopping the hordes of Paradiso’s inhabitants that are now trying to eliminate her.

Luckily, though, her amnesia doesn’t extend to her knowledge of weapons nor her fighting skills. With the ability to not only dual-wield guns in her hands, Bayonetta also has the added bonus of being able to strap guns to both of her stiletto heels. Thus, she can not only deliver a roundhouse kick to an enemy’s head, she can also unleash a barrel-full of pain at the same time. Add to this the ability to use magical attacks, such as summoning an iron maiden to kick enemies into which then closes to impale and kill the enemy for you (and then it burps). Or, you can use Bayonetta’s hair as a conduit to hell to summon demons and use them to decimate your enemies.

This is NOT a game for the kids: The action is ultraviolent and over-the-top, and there’s plenty of sexual innuendo. C’mon, her hair? Yeah, it’s her clothing, too.

All in all, I recommend picking up Bayonetta, but just keep in mind those loading issues if you have a PS3.