A quick memo to the woman in the black Toyota Sequoia

Yes, I gently tapped my horn the third time your hulking SUV drifted out of the right lane into my lane on Third Street this morning. But instead of staring at me in irritation and disbelief as you slowed to make your right turn onto Lafayette, you might have considered GETTING OFF THE DAMNED PHONE. 

Just a suggestion. Thank you, and have a nice day. Except for maybe hitting a large pothole, flattening a tire and bending a rim. And stopping to assess the damage with your car partially blocking a lane, and getting a ticket. And having an outstanding warrant. And accidentally getting deported to Burkina Faso, the third-least-developed country in the world, where the capital is called Ouagadougou and the rainy season lasts four months.