Dear New Hampshire Voters. Vote for Jon Huntsman today.
I mean…Why not?
After Iowa signed their rights away for a first-in-the-nation caucus by letting Rick Santorum win Iowa, New Hampshire has a chance to finally admit to the nation that the GOP must nominate Mitt Romney, lest a hole be torn into the space-time continuum of media-driven politics.
And for all GOPers in the nation, this is the real Mayan Apocalypse of 2012.
Mitt Romney as your nominee.
Sure, South Carolina might provide some fireworks, but let’s be honest. Mitt is the nominee, and you’re stuck with him. So, a few rules to start hammering into your head (use a soft, folded cloth to temper the repeated blows to the skull):
1. You have to defend Mitt Romney.
2. You have to sell Mitt Romney.
3. You have to violate known laws of physics to warp your local and state candidates to Mitt’s ever-changing position. Be aware of the possibility of concussions in true conservative candidates trying to follow Mitt’s plans.
Start hammering away, because it will probably take 9 months in order to have the GOP base accept this anomaly of the Universe. After all, Mitt Happens.
So I suggest this. In order to preserve the sanity of near-half of America…Vote for Jon Huntsman. Heck, vote for Rick Santorum again, just to make the media stay up until 1:00 AM again and lose their marbles. Just don’t give Mitt Romney a clear win in New Hampshire.
Make it like 31% – 27% – 15%. Just enough space between 2nd and 3rd to show the real contest is for the top. Who cares who the other guy is, but make sure you keep the candidates close today. Flip a coin for Ron Paul, who represents far more of your independent streak than you like to admit, and let him advance to South Carolina if you feel like really gumming up the process.
And don’t forget to leave Perry some more syrup.
Now, some would probably complain that I’m really anti-Romney. Honestly, I am not anti-Romney. He seems a nice fellow, and his similarity to an eagle is remarkable with those Just For Men sidechops.
But choosing Romney this early will prove a nightmare on January 11th onward, creating a 10-month campaign that could hobble the GOP. If Romney wins New Hampshire, he will subsequently take South Carolina. This has already been planned out by the media as they are goading on Newt Gingrich and Rick Perry to either implode, or worse, drag everyone down in flames with them. I’m hoping personally for some resurgent insurgency by The Herman Cain (if his wife lets him out of the bus).
Even FoxNews has accepted the fate of the GOP, and are desperately trying to sell Romney where they can, by using Greta to water down Jon Huntsman’s momentum in New Hampshire.
Now, you could read further between the lines and realize Susteren is also a Palinite, and since “The Todd Palin” supports Newt, we could see some angle for Greta to sneak in a hint. But even that would probably be a better idea than to allow Mitt Romney a clear path to nomination just yet.
The reasoning is simple, New Hampshire. Voting the way you’re suggesting in the polls will trigger a domino effect with consequences you’re probably unaware of. One, that most GOP voters will pull the lever for Romney in the end, but not without a fight. Not without getting words in edgewise to shape the platform that 2010 built for them.
And for TEA, left on the sidewalk, it’s time to get moving. The honest truth is that half of your new Congressional majority is at risk for RINOitis. It had already spread early, and after two years of claimed “change”, they’re up for re-election. And the RINOs will soft-sell you Mitt Romney, trying to promise they’ll do something next term (debt, health care, payroll tax), and really, they just want that 6-figure salary.
Some TEA is still TEA in Washington. Lots of kudos for conviction with Rep. Justin Amash, who scores well with Club for Growth, and actually makes sane arguments ala Senator Tom Coburn. But he alone won’t mean spit if you allow the GOP to take your platform for granted.
And oh my, they will take you for granted if Mitt’s in the House.
So remember, New Hampsters (as the Southies call yer), your choice will set the stage for the media’s portrayal of everything from here on out. If you select Romney, you let the media set the tone for 47 other states whose primaries and caucuses mean nothing. And in Michigan, we want our shot at Mitt (even though most of the MIGOP is already sold down the river).
I’m not a member of the GOP. And I respect the party’s decision if they go Mitt. But just remember those three things you’ll have to do every day until November, and choose a nice cotton towel if you can find one.
From now on, it’s going to hurt. Not so much from the opposition, but the fact that you’ll be forced to sell your convictions for a symbolic elected office.
PS: Vote Huntsman. I bought a full bottle of Savory Shakes White Cheddar Popcorn Seasoning. And I want to enjoy every last piece of coated goodness until I grab my own hammer. Godspeed, New Hampshire.