Pure Racism

Elect Pete Hoesktra for Senator.

In his awesome Super Bowl Ad, and airing for the next two weeks just for Michigan residents, Pete Hoekstra will remind us why he’s MIGOP, and why he’s exactly what Michigan needs.

It’s something I must share with everyone, and I’m going to wear my rice paddy hat (I got mine as a gift, but that’s unimportant).  Just for you, Pete, I’m going to keep sharing and sharing and sharing, until everyone knows why I want you to run for Senate.

I’m going to help you every day.  I’ll even call Apple up, and ask if they can introduce an app for you.

the iPete.  That’s got a good ring to it…

From your web translation of an ancient language to the amazing discovery of what is obviously an Asian wearing an Asian Hat (Asians wear it, duh!), I can’t agree more with how pretty actresses in China California often don the hat and take our American money for their rice-powered jetpacks.

And your website?  OMG.  Pure Fried Gold.  The Dragon Debbie stole our jobs, our money, and she’s going to eat our children too, I just know it.  I have thrown my leftovers away, just in case my General Tso’s organizes a revolution in my fridge.

Just for you, Pete.

The rich and vibrant red makes me want to sharpen my pitchfork and shake it angrily at any Asian I see.

I do this every morning, Pete.  EVERY MORNING.

I also repeat the Pete Hoekstra mantra, and will pledge allegiance to your commercial every day:

“Debbie spends so much American money, you borrow more and more, from us. Your economy get very weak, ours get very good. We take your jobs. Thank you Debbie Spenditnow.”

Yes, thank you Pete Hoekstra.  I have found a new hero.  Joe Knollenberg and his Asian Invaders is puppy chow compared to this enormous bone-in ribeye of fear that I can’t wait to enjoy.

Jeff Daniels?  Pure Michigan?

Puffery.

You’re the new face of Michigan, Pete Hoekstra.  I can’t wait ’til you’re my Senator, a representative of how Michigan really thinks.  I even came up with a better ad campaign for our entire state, and I hope you like it.

Pure Racism.  Mako out.