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Al Gore's Nightmare

AP photo

AP photo

The protector of the planet (no, not Vladimir Putin), the Environmental Protection Agency officially announces this week that the coal industry has crossed a “red line” as the agency labels coal-fired power plants – even the newest and cleanest – as WMDs, thus assuring their demise.
And none too soon seeing what is just around the corner.
To pull off this attack, the generals at EPA have had to redefine science by declaring carbon dioxide (CO2) a pollutant, about which Oz-PA is all-wise and all-powerful.
For those of you who slept through chemistry class, CO2 is that nasty stuff that comes out of your pie hole when you exhale. It is so toxic that when plants absorb it they grow and flourish and exhale oxygen, um, for us, Fido and Arnold the Pig. When it’s added to water, it makes club soda. Our beer would be flat without it.
Horrors.
But trust me, at the end of the day EPA says it’s a heinous and silent killer. Why? Because when it’s not making our crops grow, it causes global warming. Oh, snap, we don’t call it that any more. We say climate change. What’s that, we don’t use that term anymore either?  Nope.  Now its “carbon pollution” thanks to the Pinocchios at EPA.
But what’s in a name? If the “scientists” at Obama’s EPA say CO2 is bad, it’s bad. Of course, that depends on what the definition of “is” is. And so the president’s energy policy goes from “all the above” to “all but coal.” (Actually, that’s a misnomer too, as nuclear power is another WMD according to the greens. We ain’t never going to build the Keystone pipeline and fracking is a war crime.)
Don’t get me wrong: the technology in today’s newest coal-burning plants took some prodding, but EPA’s new mandate is unachievable according to industry experts. (If they aren’t blowing smoke, we will soon see it in halted plants and an increase in the price of electricity.)
But here comes an inconvenient truth.
A new study in the journal Nature Climate Change finds that of the 117 computer models used to predict climate over the past 20 years, only three correctly predicted temperature movement.  That’s an F-minus-minus for those keeping score at home. The average of the 114 failing models predicted an average rise of .30 degrees Celsius per decade. The actual rise was less than half that over two decades. The journal said that “even more striking” was that over the past 15 years, the modelers overbid their warming showcases by 400 percent. 
Next week, the premiere global warming/climate change/carbon pollution lunatics, the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel for Climate Change, will release their fifth assessment draft report and is reportedly ready to soften its claim that the sky is falling.
Looks like the only whale in danger of a meltdown will be Al Gore.

Jason Vines
Jason Vines is the former head of communications at Ford, Nissan, Chrysler and Compuware. Automotive News named Vines the auto industry’s top PR person in 1999, 2005 and 2006. When he still had a head full of hair, he was a standup comic and regular on The Dick Purtan Show as Andy Rooney, Dr. Dworkis, and PeeWee Herman. He currently lives in the D.C. Metro area and works as an auto consultant.