'Survivor,' episode 2: Mean girls rule -- uh-oh

And now, for last night’s episode of “Mean Girls,” er, “Survivor.”

Things are going fairly typically for a girls-against-guys “Survivor” competition beginning.

For the most part, the guys currently exist as large meat puppets with coconuts for heads. Why? Because they’re winning, so they’re not very interesting.

Except for Colton, who is quickly establishing himself as the biggest embarrassment to the gay community since… well, honestly, I can’t think of a bigger embarrassment to the gay community. Or the human community.

The guys don’t want him. The girls don’t want him. He just walks around whimpering with the immunity idol a girl gave him because she had to get rid of it. Which was hugely cruel to all viewers because it means Colton will be around at least one episode longer than he should.

Again, this has nothing to do with the guy being gay; a lot of fine “Survivor” players have been gay; this has to do with him being Colton.

Aside from Colton’s shivering, all the camera can focus on is the age-old popular girls vs. other girls rift everyone remembers from middle school. This surfaces regularly on “Survivor,” allowing lazy young airheads like blondie Kat — who needlessly threw herself into the water not once, but twice during last night’s competition — to outlast rugged, experienced somebody’s-Mom types like Nina, who, of course, was voted out last night.

Now Nina was overwhelmingly voted out, so chances are she was either a) pushy , b) useless or c) both, but the dynamic still holds.

Or does it? It did seem like the brighter elements of the popular clique were starting to realize that Kat is a dimwit and Alicia is a bully. Then again, bullies and dimwits can go quite a ways in this game, especially when smart players elect to recede into the background.

Problem for the women is, there doesn’t look like there’s going to be much background coming up.

It was fun to hear Probst read them the riot act at tribal council, calling them “sixth graders.” He’s probably serious — it’s not good for the game to get this one-sided, and as long as Alicia and Kat remain in charge it will stay that way.