Major, earth-shaking, psyche-quaking spoilers ahead. If you have not seen the 3/7 episode of “Survivor” do not read this.
“Survivor: One World” is bad news for everyone.
It’s bad news for race relations in the U.S.
It’s bad news for the state of American male intelligence.
It’s such bad news for Republicans that it makes the clown parade that has been its primary season look downright dignified.
It’s bad news for gays on so many levels.
The list goes on and on, but let’s just say that doctoral dissertations could be written on last night’s “Survivor” episode. It was a study in fear and stupidity, and a raw expose of minority-on-minority prejudice. Also, if the 1 percent is looking for some good PR, it ain’t going to happen here.
The episode will go down in history as containing the dumbest move ever. I’m not sure any dumber move could ever be made, because this took teamwork — everybody had to get stupid together.
But it was the racial volatility that was most astounding, and most disturbing. This was lynch mob mentality and even Jeff Probst — usually cool and in control — seemed too flabbergasted and disgusted to probe too far.
What happened: The women won the reward challenge, wisely opting for a tarp instead of donuts
Then they lost the immunity challenge when self-proclaimed puzzle expert Alicia (it’s terrifying to think this woman teaches special ed kids) got stuck on what seemed to be a pretty basic puzzle (although partner Chelsea was no help either). The men walked away with it.
Which Alicia seemed to think was hilarious; as a consequence most of her tribe finally realized that Alicia is as obnoxious as the show has made her out to be all along.
None of this was all that surprising. Standard “Survivor” stuff. But then…
Cut to the guys’ camp, where gay Republican spoiled rich kid Colton has become Cleopatra, lounging and giving out commands. Everybody fears him because he has a personal immunity idol. All they have to do is force him to use it one week and vote him out the next, but for some reason nobody has realized this.
Little guy Leif mentions to black guy Bill that Colton wanted him gone last week. This gets back to Colton, who goes into a complete tizzy calling Leif first a “munchkin,” then a “Oompah Loompah.” This is one minority (gay) calling another (little person) names.
And it follows Colton having called black guy Bill “ghetto trash” (which gives you some idea of Colton’s vast life experience since Bill actually speaks a version of California Dude).
Anyway, Colton whips all the guys into such a frenzy that they decide to give the girls the immunity idol and go to tribal council themselves, ostensibly to vote out Leif for his betrayal (like nobody’s ever betrayed anybody before on “Survivor”). The kicker is that even Bill and Leif, the guys in danger, back this move.
So an entire tribe hands away an immunity idol for the first time in “Survivor” history. For no clear reason. Because Colton had a hissy fit.
And when they get to tribal, somehow it all becomes about Bill again, even though the only apparent thing he has done is be black. Colton makes it clear that he’s a country club kid from Alabama and the only black person in his life is the family maid. It’s all so obviously wrong and yet the spineless men all bow down to this spoiled ninny of a kid and vote out… Bill, instead of Leif, whose betrayal supposedly caused the immunity switch in the first place.
It was sick stuff. And you get the feeling the producers realize this is no longer entertainment, this is becoming an exploration of the diseased part of America’s soul. So the hint is that next week the men and women will merge just to somehow get Colton off the show. Certainly some of the women know how to count.
If he doesn’t get bounced soon, I’m thinking the ratings are going to take a dive. I know I’ll have a hard time stomaching much more of this twerp. He’s like everything that’s wrong with America in one dark package.