Warning, total major spoilers ahead about “Survivor: One World” Episode 7
OK, we’ll get to Tarzan’s underwear in a second.
First we have to talk about “discs” and “balls.”
Last night’s immunity challenge involved balancing balls on a disc. This gave host Jeff Probst, easily the smoothest guy in reality television, the opportunity to say things like “Michael, with balls hanging on both sides of his disc” and “Troyzan’s balls haven’t moved in a long time.”
Truly a high point in the history of Probst one-liners from “Survivor.”
Unfortunately it was one of the night’s few high points. This merged team is pretty boring. Colton was a toxic monster who was giving the human race a bad name, but at least he made things interesting.
The only person keeping things at least a bit spirited is the wack-job Tarzan (seriously, this guy’s a plastic surgeon?). Last night his tribe mates called him out for having a big brown stain on his underwear that he insisted was dirt but all around him insisted was bodily waste.
This mattered, beyond the simple yuck factor, because Tarzan wanted to wash his underwear with everybody else’s, to which the communal response was “Gross!” So Tarzan’s underwear was voted out of the community wash pot.
Elsewhere there was the reward challenge, which involved two teams. One team proved spectacularly stupid when they sent the littlest guy around, Leif, to dig a hole under a log that they were all going to have to fit through. Guess what? He dug a little hole (and it took him forever) and big people couldn’t fit through it. The stupid team lost.
Then came perhaps the most alarming moment this year — the winning team went off to have pizza, and it was nameless pizza! You know “Survivor” is struggling when it can’t get Pizza Hut or Domino’s or some pizza franchise to cough up product placement bucks.
When it came time to vote someone off — Troyzan’s balls did indeed stay stable and he won first individual immunity — everyone turned on Jonas because they apparently thought he was a lot brighter than he proved he was by being Colton’s simpering minion for so long.
One more thought: Why did Troyzan bother to win immunity? He was in no danger of being voted out, had found a hidden immunity idol and seemed to have the stealth contender thing going for him. Now he’s painted a big target on his back. Oops.
And a final confession: I’m developing a crush on the adorably dim Kat and hope her empty head stays in the game for a while. Assuming she doesn’t catch appendicitis from someone.