'Survivor': These guys really are idiots, and more Kat please

Warning, major spoilers ahead for “Survivor: One World” episode 8…

Man, are these guys stupid. The guy guys, I mean. It was obvious from the get-go as they let wimpy Colton boss them around, but now the lunkheadedness has reached new heights. Or lows.

At this point, barring a wild run of immunity challenge wins by some male tribe member, the men are officially toast. Last week it was six guys, six gals — and the guys let a male be voted out. This week it was 6-5, and another male went. The game is about to become an Amazon playground.

But before all that, the tribe split into teams to compete for a reward. Last week I lamented how the show has apparently grown so weak it couldn’t even find a sponsor for a pizza giveaway. Well this week they found a sponsor and they just about turned the show over to it.

Since this sponsor is not paying me one cent I will not mention its name here, just that it is an uncola. This uncola had Jeff Probst praising it as if it were the brew of the Gods, and members of the tribe were just as ecstatic, spouting out slogans and acting as if unfettered access to the uncola would likely change their lives.

It was a water-slide puzzle competition, and the side with Little Leif on it won and he immediately started doing flips. The guy has only said about three lines after eight episodes, but he sure can flip.

When everybody got back at camp, Tarzan the unlikely plastic surgeon confronted Chelsea. He figured she didn’t like him because she didn’t like her breast implants and hated plastic surgeons in general. The problems with Tarzan’s logic were two: Chelsea’s breast implants seem immensely likeable. More probably Chelsea doesn’t like Tarzan because nobody seems to like Tarzan.

After the immunity challenge — that model guy with the Minnie Mouse voice won — Kim decided to put the men down once and for all. She went to Troyzan and convinced him Mike was targeting him behind his back (Mike was doing no such thing). Why Troyzan, who’s been pretty good up until these past two episodes, bought this is anybody’s guess.

The result though was that Troyzan slit his own throat by slitting Mike’s, and Mike went home.

Now you can pretty clearly project how things will go. Either Minnie Mouse-voice or Troyzan will go next, when they’re gone it’s Leif and then Tarzan. Then Christina, then scuzzy special ed teacher.

Then Kat (please, no), and then Kim, Chelsea and Sabrina will final three it.

All of which is way too predictable.

Aside from massive male stupidity syndrome, and the uncola proliferation, the great weakness of last night’s episode was a lack of Kat. She did whisper “Puzzles are hard” while not doing a puzzle, but that’s not enough.

Even so, my wife exclaimed “I want to marry Kat!” at least three times during last night’s episode, an urge I find simultaneously disturbing and intriguing. Producers, please, more Kat dumb-liners to spice up the show.