Warning! Major spoilers, heck, all spoilers from episode 12 of “Survivor: One World” ahead.
OK, I’m back from vacation and while I was gone “Survivor” went right according to plan, with two males — Troyzan and Leif — being voted off. It’s hard to recall a more predictable season of “Survivor.”
The surviving male is, of course, the apparently addled Tarzan, who just might make it to the final three simply because no one believes he’s a threat. There is the possibility that Tarzan could at the end just argue that he was faking being stupid and/or crazy just to appear safe.
Either way it’s time for the ladies to turn on themselves. By that I don’t mean get turned on (although that would breathe some life into the show) but start hacking at one another.
So who should go? The perplexingly unpopular Christina? The astoundingly foul Alicia? Too-cute Chelsea and her implants?
No, let stupidity lead the way.
This is the family reunion episode, the regular tearjerker in which tribe members get video hellos from relatives or friends. These show up on a new phone from a company that shall not be named here unless endorsement money shows up immediately. I’m waiting. I’m waiting.
Okay, well, the shameless phone plug features things like Alicia’s sister saying how “proud” she is of Alicia, proof positive that none of the episodes had yet aired at the time of that taping.
As it turns out, all the taped people are actually on the island, and they’re promptly trotted out (so why tape anything?). Stand-out relations include Tarzan’s attractive wife of 30 years and Kat’s party-on cousin Robby.
For reasons unknown Kat crawls over to meet Robby and then the two begin speaking in what can only be described as party-tongues, making no sense. It all feels vaguely inappropriate.
And from here on it’s the Kat show. She wins the reward challenge and gets to go off and drink margaritas with Robby. She also gets to bring along two other tribe members and their relations.
Popular sentiment says she should choose Tarzan and his wife (because they’re old and due to die soon) or Christina and her father (who’s had a kidney transplant and could die soon).
So Kat picks obnoxious Alicia and all-powerful Kim. Kim, who didn’t previously pick Kat to share a similar reward and Alicia who, after all, is Alicia.
Strategically it’s a dumb move. Socially it’s a dumb move. Ethically it’s a dumb move. What is Kat thinking?
“Oh my god, I’m about to get drunk!” she yells out. That’s what Kat is thinking.
From there it was pretty much goodbye Kat unless she could win the immunity challenge. Which she didn’t, losing an endurance test to Kim — sometime soon somebody’s going to wake up and realize that Kim is totally ruling this game — and then complaining about it.
Right up to the tribal council Kat is oblivious to the danger she’s in. She even talks about how much fun a blindside is. And then she gets blindsided, at which point she breaks down and cries and says she’s going to beg Jeff to let her come back for one of the reunion competitions.
Ain’t gonna happen Kat. A little dumbness and naivete was cute in the beginning. But in the end the stupid just got too big. See you never.
The question now is whether level-headed Sabrina can or will turn the tribe on Kim, whose game this is to lose. I’m guessing it’s too late and the game is already over. Unless Tarzan has a master plan in his shorts.